


Bullet of Love

by HonkingMudkip



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-08-09 21:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16457474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonkingMudkip/pseuds/HonkingMudkip
Summary: After a devastating incident, Honoka has closed herself from the rest of the world. It's up to Umi to pull her back from her trauma with nothing else but love.





	1. Prologue

Midnight. 

A man, covered in black, was holding a girl in his arm, with the other hand holding a gun. A girl with crimson hair squirmed under his vice grip, whimpering when the gun was thrusted to the side of her head. 

She tried to move, and wanted to just run away, to escape the reality that her own sister was about to be killed anytime now. 

Her ginger hair drenched with sweat, she took a deep breath and gulped. 

"Give me all yer cash, or else!!! " The robber pressed the gun even more firmly to the crimson haired girl's head, making her yelp in the process. 

The girl who faced the man that was holding her sibling hostage panicked. She remembered that her parents took all the money away in the store when they left for the business trip ; The only money left was her and her sister's monthly allowance. 

"P-please don't shoot her!! We don't have much, but this is all I've got! " The ginger heard herself shouting desperately at the enemy, and found herself rummaging through her pockets, bags, etc. 

Fortunately, she managed to fish out 5000 yen from her wallet. 

"Here you go, now let go of my sister!!!! "

She presented the money to the robber while trying to negotiate with a shaky voice. 

The robber snatched the money from her hands, but yelled: " That's it? You're hiding all yer cash, gurl! "

"No! That's really all we have for now! " She denied while blinking back tears. 

"Welp, if yer're so keen on letting yer sister die, so be it!! "

"Nooo, stop!! " She stepped forward. 

BANG 

Before the ginger knew it, the girl who was held hostage and screaming a moment ago now crumpled to the floor and lay limp. 

"Shit, now I've done it, I'll need to kill all teh witnesses too, " said the robber while pointing his gun at its next victim. 

The ginger's cerulean eyes were wide with fear and tears flowed uncontrollably down her cheeks. She sank to the ground as she tried to crawl over to the dead body lying a few metres away from her. 

She ignored the killer's demands and just slowly crawled over to her sister. As she cradled her in her arms, she started sobbing. 

She heard the gun fire. 

She saw people barging into the house. 

She smelt the odour of blood. 

She realized she'd been shot.


	2. Chapter 2

"Honoka, are you okay? "

Sonoda Umi looked at her best friend worriedly, sensing that Honoka was feeling down, due to her constantly looking at the floor. 

Kousaka Honoka quickly lifted up her head and flashed Umi a fake smile. She reassured her that nothing was wrong. 

As if that would work, Umi sighed to herself. 

After the incident a year ago, Honoka turned into an entirely different person. She changed from a cheery   
enthusiastic girl to a quiet and reserved person. It was like someone took her joyous soul away, and was left with a depressed and empty shell. 

What's more, Honoka got shot at that time too, and lost her sister. That kind of experience would leave anyone traumatized. 

A breeze lifted Honoka's shirt up a little, revealing her stomach that was covered with bandages. Beneath it was the injury from the gunshot, and it was, in Umi's opinion, healing rather too slowly. Due to her stubborn friend wanting to get up or walk outside the hospital, resulting in the injury to heal very very slowly. The doctor said that it would take at least a year for it to heal completely, and advised her friend to keep her bandages on at all times. 

The incident happened two years after Honoka's sister, Yukiho graduated from Otonokizaka. Honoka had gone back to her home during the summer vacation, giving herself a break from university. 

Who knew that such unfortunate events would happen at that time. 

Honoka barely opened up to anyone right after the event. Mysteriously, the only one she'd be willing to interact with was none other than Umi. Umi scratched her head at this too, but at least she had learnt to trust someone. 

Her train of thoughts were halted when Honoka yelped lightly. 

She worriedly asked : "Why, Honoka, what's wrong? "

Honoka was pointing a shaky finger at a shop that Umi now noticed they stood in front of. She anxiously said : "U... Umi, g-gun.... "

Oh no, they were in front of a weapon shop! 

Umi quickly steered Honoka away from the shop window and pulled her along. She ran, with Honoka struggling to catch up with her at the back. Her feet did not stop, until the shop was nowhere in sight, and they were in another district. 

After the incident, Honoka developed a fear for guns. Whenever she saw a gun, she would shiver in fear, or just stand there paralyzed as if she was stuck in a trance. Beads of sweat would roll down her scalp, and tears would fill her eyes, making her look like the most vulnerable person on earth.

Umi hated it when that happened. Right after that day, she immediately rushed to the hospital to find an unconscious Honoka. Seeing her lying on the bed made her feel sick. It made her feel like she couldn't protect her, and wasn't there by her side when she needed it the most. 

Sitting at the side of Honoka's hospital bed, she took her hand and grasped it tightly. She'd sworn to never leave Honoka again, to protect her for the rest of her life. 

Thus, Umi transferred to Honoka's university, just telling everyone that she didn't like hers. The real reason though, was because she wanted to be next to Honoka when she was making her recovery, to be at her side when she needs her. She loved her own school very much, but she loved Honoka much, much more. 

They stood there for a while, panting. Honoka looked at Umi gratefully while squeezing her hand. 

"I'm sorry, Honoka, I shouldn't have brought you there," Umi apologized, a guilty look on her face. 

"It's okay, Umi, I'll need to learn to face my fears sooner or later."

Umi still wasn't used to Honoka calling her 'Umi'. She used to be called 'Umi-chan' by the ginger in the past, but since the incident, it changed Honoka's way of greeting people now. She used to call everyone ending with 'chan' which indicated their closeness but now she calls everyone just by their name. 

They slowly walked home hand in hand. Shortly after that fateful day, Umi had moved to Honoka's apartment to take care of her, as there was nobody the ginger trusted more than her.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ring ring.... "

"Honoka, would you mind answering the phone?" Umi called over her shoulder. 

Honoka hummed in acknowledgement and proceeded to pick up the ringing house phone. A squeaky voice which she'd grown so accustomed to for her whole life came to her ears. 

"Hello? Is this Umi-chan? "

"I'm Honoka. "

"O-oh, Honoka-chan... Erm, how are you doing these days? "

Honoka understood the awkwardness in Kotori's voice and didn't question it because she'd stayed away from any other person except for Umi. She'd rejected Kotori's helping hand and closed herself from the world. 

"I'm doing fine, I guess. My wound is slowly but surely getting better."

She heard Kotori sigh in relief from the other side of the phone, and she could almost picture her holding up a hand to her chest like Kotori always did when they were younger. 

"That's great to hear, Honoka-chan, I hope you'll get better soon. Um.. can I visit you two sometime? "

Honoka had the phone on loudspeaker this whole time so Umi could hear their entire conversation from the kitchen. Umi saw Honoka tense up and she looked at her, her eyes pleading for help. 

Umi went over and took the phone from Honoka's hands gently, and turned off the loudspeaker. She went inside the kitchen once again and said in a low tone, "This is Umi here. "

"Oh Umi-chan! I was just telling Honoka-chan about me visiting you two. 

"Uh Kotori, I think I've told you this many times, but -"

"Oh.. Honoka-chan still isn't ready?"

"I guess you could say that.. "

"After a year? "

"Huh? "

"Even after a year, you still won't let me see my best friend? " Umi could hear the exasperation in Kotori's voice. 

Umi bit her lip. It wasn't like the normally kind Kotori to have a sudden outburst like that, and she knew that she was getting frustrated due to not being able to help her fellow best friend. 

"Kotori, I'm sorry, but Honoka still isn't ready for meeting other people, I sincerely apologize, and both me and Honoka really appreciate your concern and care. "

"Fine. " Umi heard Kotori hang up. 

She held out the phone to Honoka, who took it and put it back to its original place. 

She noticed Honoka eyeing her apologetically. She sighed deeply and walked towards her crush. 

"This isn't your fault, you know, " Umi tried to comfort her. 

"You always say that although it's entirely my fault, " said Honoka, head hung low. 

Umi didn't say a word and proceeded to return to the kitchen, leaving Honoka staring at the floor in a daze. 

Umi sighed to herself as she continued to cook their meal. Honoka always turned on the loudspeaker whenever she used the phone nowadays, as her socializing skills seemed to drop to zero after that incident one year ago. 

Before that she was such an optimistic and energetic, although clumsy, but always there to support and give a reassuring smile at Umi. Now look at what Honoka has become, a person who looked like she has no soul and seemingly wandering aimlessly in her life. 

How she missed the old Honoka. 

How she wanted time to turn back, to go back to that time when the robber was still there, holding her sister hostage. 

She could've prevented this. 

She could've stopped the robber if she had been there.

She thought back to what happened during the day before the robbery.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why don't you want to come to the gathering, Umi-chan? "

"I told you I'm very busy with my school work, and there isn't any time to waste! "

"It's been four years Sonoda Umi! We've not met up for four damn years and you still want it to stay that way?? " Honoka shouted into the phone. 

Umi found herself rolling her eyes. "I'm not the same as the likes of you, who won't study seriously even when they are in university!! " She responded with equal harshness. 

"Who said I wasn't studying seriously damn it, I just wanted to see you after all these years! Is that too much to ask for?! "

"Yes! "

Umi heard Honoka hang up the phone. She found herself breathing heavily after the argument. She didn't want it to end like this, but every time Honoka called they would end up bickering or sometimes even worse. 

Honoka's words lingered in her head.

'I just wanted to see you after all these years! Is that too much to ask for!?’

Umi tried to shake off that feeling and continued with her preparations for the next biology test. 

.  
.  
.

"What!? Honoka was what!? "

Umi hastily put on her coat and boots, she didn't even have time to get a scarf. Umi rushed to her car and had trouble starting the engine, although it was an action to be done every single day. 

She couldn't help but be worried sick. Kotori had called and told her what happened. She was at work back then, so Kotori couldn't get to Honoka. The cobalt car drove into the night, seemingly the only one to be driving on the streets of Kanda at midnight. 

As she walked towards the house she'd been so familiar with when she was a kid, she first saw police officers blocking the crime scene. People were swarming to take a look at what happened, but to no avail. 

Umi just squeezed through the crowd and finally reached the front. She gasped. First, she saw a ginger haired girl being lifted up into the ambulance, and she had a huge wound on her stomach area. Red. Blood. 

Honoka. 

And then she casted her eyes away from her best friend to see a figure lying on the floor, red liquid surrounding it's upper part. 

She saw traces of crimson hair under the faint moonlight. Oh god, it was Yukiho. 

She held her hand over her mouth and tried to stop herself from crying. Why did this happen to Honoka and her sister? 

She rode in the ambulance with Honoka as soon as she informed the nurses about their relationship. As she stared at the figure in front of her, she started to feel very guilty. 

'If I'd come to her house none of this would've happened. Honoka canceled the gathering yet again for me. If I had agreed to come, the robber wouldn't even dare enter the house with the ten of us there. ' She thought to herself. 

Honoka was right, she'd thought. It really wasn't really too much to ask for, only that Umi failed to give it to her due to her incompetence.


	5. Chapter 5

"Clang!! "

Honoka snapped her head up and swiftly went into the kitchen where the sound came from. 

She saw Umi looking at the pot on the ground, dazed. 

The remains of their supposed dinner were splattered on the smooth acacia wood, slowly eating up the floor's space. "Umi, are you okay? " She grabbed hold of Umi's arm. 

Umi suddenly blinked her eyes profusely and seemed to snap out of a trance. "O-oh, I'm fine, what's the mat- oh." She saw their dinner- or what was to be their dinner. 

"Are you okay Umi? What happened? "

"Sorry Honoka, I guess we'll have to eat out... "

Umi looked really troubled and wouldn't meet her eyes for some reason. She looked like she was hiding something, perhaps some thoughts from her. But what was it? Umi still wouldn't tell her what happened. What was going on in Umi's mind? She tried to ignore that curious thought and proceeded to take a cloth out of the kitchen drawer. 

She eyed Umi suspiciously again. Umi was definitely feeling guilty for what happened to their dinner, but little did she know that Umi was also feeling guilty about something else. 

They wiped the floor sparkling clean, leaving no traces of the accident on the floor. Umi washed the pot while Honoka went to change her clothes. 

They went out and had a light and simple dinner, consisting of sushi. Honoka noticed that Umi didn't have the appetite to eat anything, and she wondered if it was something to do with Kotori visiting.

Could she handle someone other than Umi appearing in their house? She thought she couldn't, but maybe if she tried, it could all work out. She put down her chopsticks and sipped her green tea, before finally coming to a decision. 

"Hey Umi, I was thinking..."

This piqued Umi's interest. She asked Honoka what she was thinking. 

"Maybe Kotori can come over. It's not like my problem is that bad huh?"

Honoka caught Umi staring at her. She shifted uncomfortably under her piercing gaze, wondering if she'd done the right thing. "Honoka, are you sure? "

Honoka hesitated for a moment, having a inner debate on whether she really wanted this. But in the end, if what Umi was fussing over just now was this problem, then she would give it her all to help solve it. 

"Yeah. "

.  
.  
.

"Umi, " Honoka called out to her friend after they got into the car. Umi had her head turned to the side, staring at the window of the car blankly, unknown of her surroundings. 

"Umi, Umi, " Honoka called again, this time tugging Umi's shirt. Umi snapped out of her trance and turned to Honoka. 

"What is it?" She asked. 

"Umi, let's stop by that Japanese bakery, I want to buy some sweets. "

The blue haired girl hummed in agreement and started to drive her car towards the direction of the said bakery. The car skidded to a stop as it closed in a quite modern looking Japanese bakery. The name 'Hirasawa bakery' was slightly visible in the dark under the streetlight. 

Umi pushed open the doors and let Honoka step in first. They greeted the old lady at the counter. "Oh, Kousaka-chan and Sonoda-chan, how lovely it is to see both of you again, "  
The old lady said in a slow manner while waving her hand at them. 

"It's our pleasure too, obaa-san. " Umi said while bowing slightly. 

The inner layout of the bakery was quite unique to Honoka. She still remembered when she first stepped in the shop, she was astonished to see all the colorful pastries lined up on the shelves. 

The counter was at the end of the small bakery, and it was, according to Umi, where the shopkeeper sat all day. She was quite shocked when she learnt that the old lady herself was the shopkeeper AND the baker at the same time. 

Then again, she thought, her parents did the exact same thing. 

Honoka shook off those thoughts and stepped up to whisper something into the old lady's ear. The old lady nodded and went into the back of the shop. 

Honoka looked around the shop. It sold decent pastries, in her opinion, although none of them were as tasty as Homura's sweets. But she couldn't stand going back to her old house, where her sister died, and the biggest trauma of her life happened. The horrifying memories would resurface and she would be unable to control her emotions. 

She still missed the traditional Japanese sweets that she's grown so accustomed to eating everyday, so she started buying sweets here instead. They came here so often that in the span of a year the old lady at the shop was already very familiar with them. 

Her train of thoughts were stopped by the old lady coming out of the shop. "Here are your orders Kousaka-chan, remember to eat them while they're fresh! " The old lady reminded her.   
Honoka nodded her head and thanked the old woman. After paying, she turned around and walked towards Umi, grinning broadly. 

She handed a manjuu to Umi. "Here Umi, cheer up. "

Umi slowly took the manjuu from her hands and felt her eyes reddening. It was partially her fault that caused all of these to happen, yet Honoka didn't blame her at all. 

She blinked back tears and used her free arm to wipe off any traces of her crying. Honoka tilted her head in confusion but did not question Umi's actions. They left the bakery without saying a single word.


	6. Chapter 6

Kotori was coming to visit. Umi had spent the whole day cleaning the small apartment room and putting away all the unnecessary stuff. 

"Honoka, please put away your manga, " Umi said. 

"But Umi, isn't it only Kotori? She's already known my interests and such. "

Umi raised her eyebrow. Why was Honoka unusually calm with this? If it was under normal circumstances she would've freaked out or went to hide in their room. 

What was Honoka thinking? 

She saw Honoka lift up her bag of manga and went into their room. Umi frowned but assumed she was going to keep her manga there, so she continued to vacuum the floor without saying anything. 

.  
.  
.

As soon as Honoka stepped into her bedroom, she put her bag of manga down gently before slumping down on the bed. She took a pillow and covered her face, and just stayed that way without moving. Although her body didn't move, her thoughts ran wild. 

Someone was visiting. She would have to face someone else other than Umi. She had tried to act nonchalant, in hopes that she wouldn't have to worry Umi. Deep down, she was really scared. After all, she hadn't had such close contact with anyone else other than her blue haired friend for one whole year. 

'What should I do? 'Honoka wondered, as she buried her head deeper into the soft mattress and close her eyes. 

.  
.  
.

"Ding dong !"

Umi snapped up from her sitting position and swiftly went to the door. She opened the locks with slight trouble, although it was something she was doing every single day. Nevertheless, Umi finally got the locks open, and fixed herself a little before opening the final door. 

In front of her stood a beautiful figure that she almost didn't recognize. Ashen hair, amber eyes, those notable characteristics were still there, but Kotori had grown so mature that made Umi glance down her own chest. 

"Ku.... "

"Umi-chan? What's wrong? "

"O-oh, nothing! Nothing at all! Hello, Kotori! "

Kotori narrowed her eyes for a brief moment, before breaking into a smile. "It's nice to see you too, Umi-chan! " Umi stepped aside to let Kotori enter the apartment. "Please, make yourself at home, " Umi mused. 

She saw the ashen brown haired girl looking around the house in awe, and she raised her eyebrow at this. Kotori noticed her little movement, and laughed. "I'm just surprised that you managed to keep the house so clean with Honoka-chan around, that's all! "

Umi nodded stiffly. You haven't seen what the house normally looks like though, she thought. Kotori then asked the question Umi herself didn't know the answer to. "Where's Honoka-chan? "

Umi glanced around the house worriedly but she couldn't find the flash of bright orange hair that belonged to her roommate. 

Umi soon found Honoka sleeping in their bedroom, her face lying flat on a pillow. She proceeded to gently shake Honoka, trying to get her to wake up. "Honoka, Kotori is here, wake up. "

"Nnngh, another five minutes.... "

Nostalgia suddenly hit Umi hard like a brick. She'd always been the one to wake up Honoka during their school days, since she lived closest to her. Umi was like Honoka's walking alarm clock, and Honoka would always use different tactics to prolong her slumber, much to Umi's displeasure. Ever since Honoka changed, she'd always woken up on time without the help of Umi. The Umi in the past hated Honoka's lazy attitudes, but now she missed them so much. 

"Honoka, " Umi chided softly again. "Honoka, come on, Kotori is here..... Eeep! "

Umi was shocked when she was pulled down by Honoka onto the bed. She landed with a soft thud of the mattress, and she widened her eyes once more when Honoka pulled her closer into her embrace. 

"Don't leave me..... "

While Umi was struggling to hide her embarrassment, she noticed that Honoka had tears in her eyes. 'She must have had a bad dream, ' she thought. Umi gently stroked Honoka's soft orange hair, while whispering reassuring words to her. Honoka just sniffled in her sleep and buried her head deeper into Umi's chest. 

"I won't leave you, " Umi muttered, before tightening her embrace. 

Kotori : Where are those two!?!? °8°

.  
.  
.

"Honoka-chan! Umi-chan! I thought you two disappeared or something! " Kotori chirped happily, her face showing relief when she saw them coming out. 

Umi noticed that Honoka was holding onto her arm very tightly, but was trying her very best to give a forced smile on her face. "Oh, " Umi began. "Honoka fell asleep while waiting for you, and you know how hard it is to wake her up, hahaha..... " Her laughter was forced. 

Kotori narrowed her eyes for the second time today, Umi noticed. Kotori rarely did these actions in the past, but it's probably because they hadn't met for so long that Kotori developed these habits, she thought. 

She saw Kotori slowly approaching Honoka, like a bird eying it's prey. Whenever Kotori reached her right side, Honoka would move to the left. Left, and Honoka would move right. The process went on for quite some time, until Kotori finally gave up. 

"Alright, I give up, " she said, holding her hands up in the air. "Honoka-chan, don't you remember me? " She started the conversation. 

Honoka glanced at Umi, before slowly replying awkwardly: "O-of course...Kotori..chan... It's just that I haven't fully recovered yet, that's all. Sorry... "

Umi knew it hurt Kotori to see their childhood best friend in this state. The ever happy-go-lucky girl whom they had always admired has vanished. 

"Come on, we have some reminiscing to do, don't we all? " Umi tried to ease the tension by changing the topic. They sat down on their respective couches and started to talk about their what happened to their lives in the span of that one year. The atmosphere lightened up quite a bit, and to Umi's delight, Honoka opened up to Kotori a lot, and was slowly turning back into her old self, even if it was just a little bit.

.  
.  
.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner, Kotori? " Umi asked again while opening the door for Kotori. 

Kotori just smiled wryly and said: " Maybe another time, Umi-chan. I've got to get back working on my latest fashion project, too." She put on her shoes, and giving one last wave, exited the apartment. 

Umi felt extremely grateful to her best friend. Kotori didn't show it, but she was actually very observant of what was happening, and in this case, Honoka's slight reluctance to converse with outsiders. That was probably why she didn't want to stay for dinner, in order to give Honoka some space. 

"Well then," Umi glanced at her best friend, "Shall we start dinner?"


	7. Chapter 7

Umi sat on the couch, flipping through her research materials. The project has to be handed in tomorrow, but she hasn’t done a single page. Spending nearly every single second watching over her best friend apparently did take a toll on her studies. 

She turned her head to look at Honoka. The ginger was working on her own assignment too, but she was now dozing off, with one arm supporting her head. Umi got up and put a blanket over the girl.

Oh well, the project can wait. She thought to herself.

Right at this moment, her phone vibrated on the table. Walking over to pick it up, Umi saw a text from a group chat that she hasn’t entered in a long time.

 **Yazawa Nico** : @ **Sonoda Umi** @ **Sonoda Umi** @ **Sonoda Umi**

 **Ayase Eli** : You didn’t have to spam her

Umi scrolled up the chat. The others were discussing about holding a gathering. The members of Muse have stopped their monthly gatherings after what happened to Honoka, but now it seems that they wanted to get together again after so long.

 **Tojou Nozomi** : She’s in she’s in

 **Hoshizora Rin** : Umi-chan, are you and Honoka-chan coming?

Umi typed in “No.” without second thought, but her finger unconsciously hovered above the send button. Would it be right for her to make decisions for the both of them without asking Honoka? She glanced over the sleeping figure, and thought back to how Honoka tried her best to stay strong in front of Kotori.

Perhaps Honoka wanted to take a step forward?

She received a personal message from Kotori.

 **Kotori** : Umi-chan, you don’t have to agree if Honoka’s condition is still bad, after what happened yesterday…

Kotori was the most understanding person in the world. Umi felt immensely relieved to have her supporting her. Umi switched back to the group chat tab, and typed in some words.

 **Sonoda Umi** : Give us some time to think.

She placed the phone back onto the table, and walked into the kitchen to get some water. Umi didn’t notice her phone vibrate once again. The message caused quite an uproar in the group, without Umi herself realizing it.

 **Kousaka Honoka** : We’ll be coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short chapter, but the next one will probably be long. Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Honoka and Umi stood before the door of Nozomi’s apartment. Technically, it was Nozomi and Eli’s apartment now, since they started living together after dating for three years.

“Honoka, are you ready?” Umi squeezed her friend’s hand.

She felt her squeeze back in return, so she pressed the doorbell.

ding dong

The door opened, revealing their purple haired senpai, Toujou Nozomi. 

“Oh my god, Honoka-chan and Umi-chan, it’s been so long since we’ve seen you two!” She exclaimed. “To be honest, we didn’t think you’d come,” she added.

Umi shrugged. “It was Honoka’s choice, and if she felt ready, I’m more than happy to go with it.”

Nozomi let them in. As they entered the living room, six heads turned towards them, all wearing expressions of joy and surprise.

“It’s Umi-chan and Honoka-chan nya!”

“It’s been too long!”

“Honoka, Umi, come sit over here,” Ayase Eli, the other owner of the apartment, patted the space beside her at the long couch.

It was probably a wise choice to sit next to Eli. She had been one of their closest friends since a young age, attending the same schools since elementary school. Honoka might not feel so uncomfortable if it was her. Umi gently pulled Honoka along and sat beside Eli.

Hoshizora Rin, the ever hyperactive member of the ex school idol club, couldn’t contain her curiosity any longer. “So, what have you two been doing for the past year, nya?” She blurted out.

Koizumi Hanayo’s hand instantly reached up to cover Rin’s mouth, but it was too late. Everyone knew the real motive behind that question. Each of them wanted to know how Honoka was doing. 

The atmosphere immediately turned heavy, everyone awkwardly stealing glances at Honoka and Umi.

“Geez, didn’t we agree not to talk about thi-” Before Nishikino Maki could finish her muttering, Yazawa Nico put a finger to her lips, implying that she should keep quiet.

Umi could notice how Honoka shifted uncomfortably under everyone’s guilty yet expectant gazes, her eyes trailing down to the floor, then all the way up to Umi’s eyes.

She gave her a small reassuring smile, then grabbed Honoka’s hand beside her, holding it tightly. Umi knew she wanted to try opening up to the other members with her own strength.

Honoka returned the smile slightly, then turned to the others. 

“I…I’m fine n-” said Honoka shakingly, unable to finish her sentence. She turned to Umi. The pleading look in her eyes made Umi flinch slightly, but she knew her best friend needed to do this on her own.

“Go on,” Umi prompted softly. Honoka took a deep breath.

“A-actually, I’m not fine at all…” Everyone gasped. “I-I still have trouble with… people other than Umi… but that day K-Kotori came and…” 

“I-I want to try to recover from t-this trauma, that’s why I said we would c-come…” Honoka spoke with slightly more confidence now. “Can you all…h-help me?” She asked meekly.

The room was silent for a while, but then Nico spoke up. “Of course we will, idiot. You didn’t have to ask.” She earned a jab in the ribs after saying that. “What??”

“You didn’t have to call her an idiot, idiot,” Maki huffed. Nico just held her hands up in exasperation. “Look, I didn’t mean it, oka- oh my god don’t cry!”

Tears flowed down Honoka’s cheeks, because part of her felt extremely relieved to have gotten that out of her chest. The supportive responses from her closest friends made her tear up even more, initially she thought they’d find her annoying.

Hanayo squeaked, “H-honoka-chan, you always lent us a hand during school days, now we’ll do the same to you.”

“That’s right Honoka, don’t tell me you expected us to leave you?” Eli smiled at her.

“All of us are in this together, so don’t worry, Honoka-chan,” Nozomi gave a thumbs-up.

Honoka sniffled again, and Umi put her arm around her shoulder, supporting her. She sensed that Honoka was close to breaking down, and pondered a moment whether to leave the place and head for home now. 

“Thank...you…” The words came out softly from the ginger. When she looked up, Umi saw something she hasn’t seen in a long time.

Her smile.

It was the smile of both relief and happiness, when Honoka realized she had eight comrades beside her, that she wasn’t alone.

“Here, Honoka-chan! Bread!”

Honoka hesitantly accepted the packet of bread given by Rin. She turned over the packaging, and saw that it was the brand that she used to buy during high school. She opened her mouth, but Umi beat her to it.

“I thought they stopped releasing this product! Where did you get this?”

“You won’t believe the lengths we went to get hold of all these,” said Eli, pointing to a box that contained all the bread.

“Hanayo found out that they still sell these in Hokkaido, so Maki rented an airplane, flew there and bought all the stock they had.” Nico explained, smiling smugly at the redhead beside her.

Maki blushed, proceeding to defend herself. “W-well it’s not like I purposely went there to buy bread for you or anything, it was a leisure trip! A leisure trip!” She earned a “Yeah, right” from Nico.

“You can bring them home, it’s all yours,” Maki continued.

Umi started doing money calculations inside her head, but Maki read her mind. “Don’t worry about the expenses, to put it simply, I’m rich you know. Just think of it as a two-year-worth birthday gift.”

“We couldn’t thank you enough, Maki, Hanayo, everyone.”

“I bought some food too! Perfect for tea time now, eh?” Nozomi held up a paper bag, which had ‘Homura’ written on it. Eli stood to serve tea.

It seemed that Honoka still hasn’t noticed the paper bag yet, so Umi swiftly blocked her view of the bag. After emptying the contents, she met with Nozomi’s eyes. The purple haired girl widened her eyes, then hurriedly disposed the paper bag.

Honoka took a bite of the manjuu. The horrifying familiarity of the taste struck her like lightning. “T-this is…” She stammered.

“We know that you can’t approach your home, so we got some for you,” said Eli, moving between them to set the teacups on the table.

“Thank you… everyone… I’ve missed this taste so much…”

Honoka silently nibbled on her food, not saying anything after that. The atmosphere slowly became warm again, everyone chatting with one another, describing their experiences for the past two years. 

Kotori was working in a major fashion project, designing clothes for french models. When Rin announced that she was dating Hanayo, everyone was shocked. But the opposite reaction was given to Nico and Maki’s announcement.

Umi joined in too, but not forgetting to steal glances at Honoka, but she probably worried for nothing. The ginger, although silent, was smiling throughout the entire gathering, and for the first time in forever, she looked like she was having fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone's wondering about Eli and Honoka's relationship as stated, this story follows the mangaverse, where Umi, Eli, Kotori and Honoka were childhood friends. I figured it's more interesting this way~


	9. Chapter 9

“I hope you’ve prepared yourself,” Umi said.

Honoka grinned a little. “You know that you’ve never won in Old Maid before, Umi.”

Playing their old game did help Honoka regain her composure back since the party. She had exhausted all of her energy putting up a brave facade in front of their friends. They had gone to bed right away once they reached the shared apartment during the previous night.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a hand placed on one of her cards. It was the Joker card. Umi sighed in relief, but quickly made an attempt to make a straight face. “S-so which one are you going to pick?”

The hand moved to the next card, then tried to slowly remove it from Umi’s grasp. 

“Umi, let go,” Honoka strained.

“N-never, unless you take the other one,” she held her ground.

The card tore into half.

Honoka stared at the half in her hand. “Well, I think you still lose, Umi.” The latter raised her hands in defeat. Amusement tugged at the corners of Honoka’s lips.

“Look, you’re smiling again.” Umi pointed out. Honoka quickly moved her hand to cover her mouth. “You’ve actually been rather cheerful since the gathering, you know.”

“H-have I? I-I didn’t notice,” Honoka touched her lips.. She did feel as if a burden has been lifted from her, though. “You know, Umi…” She gulped. “T-th-thank you for staying by my side since t-that day…”

She fidgeted a little under Umi’s surprised gaze. Twiddling her thumbs together, the ginger wanted to cower in embarrassment. Honoka herself was surprised at her own sudden urge to blurt out such senseless things. Deciding that she would continue to let out the feelings inside her, she spoke again after a short pause.

Curiosity and frustration welled up inside her heart. “Why… why are you doing all this for me? You switched colleges, moved with me here and barely have time to focus on your studies… why?” Frustrated that she wasn’t able to cope with the situation properly, and that she had to drag Umi down into the mess with her; On the other hand, she was curious about Umi’s drive to support her, to guide her to where she is now.

Averting her eyes from Umi, she continued, “Despite all this, I’m very grateful for all you’ve done for me. This one year… it’s been tough… and I still can’t face my fears…”

“B-but, ever since the gathering, I realized that everyone is supporting me… Kotori-chan, Eli-chan, and the rest…” Tears were flowing out of her eyes. “I’m not worth all this support. I l-let… Y-Y-Yuki… let her d-die right in front of my eyes… due to my carelessness! It’s all my fault!” The memories were coming back. Those horrible, appalling flashbacks appeared- The man pulling the trigger, and Honoka screaming for her sister.

“A-ahhhhhhhhh! S-stop! Don’t come any closer!” Honoka backed frantically away from her imaginary enemy, pulling her trembling knees up and hiding her face. “Yukiho… Yukiho… Yukiho… Stop this… You’re not dead,” she repeated between gasps of breaths.

Umi was devastated. Panic attacks like this weren’t the first, but it was definitely new for Honoka to bring up the elephant in the room herself. The situation was worsening, though, as the ginger screamed to herself. It hurt her to see this happening to the one she loved the most. Heartbroken, Umi clenched her fist. 

_I have to save her_.

The former lyricist moved slowly towards the shaking ginger. Honoka was still trapped in her illusions, unable to snap out of it. Umi mustered all her courage, and wrapped her arms around Honoka. She held her head against her chest, and started to mutter reassuring words to her.

The other girl was still not conscious of this, however, and began to pull on Umi’s sweater, pushing her away. “Get away from me! You monster!” When the latter refused to budge, Honoka pounded her fists on her shoulders. “Murderer! Kill me if you dare!”

Umi endured the pain she was receiving from the ginger’s frenzy. She closed their distance once more, pulling them closer. She caressed Honoka’s hair slowly, wincing from the sudden sharpness of pain caused by the latter. 

“It’s me, Umi… I’m here for you…” she tried to whisper into Honoka’s ear. After a while, it seemed to have worked, as the ginger was slightly calmed down now, only shivering in her arms. “Feeling better now?” Asked Umi.

Honoka nodded slowly. 

Umi rubbed circles on her back for a therapeutic effect. “I… The reason I was doing all these for you was because…”

 _I love you_.

But she couldn’t have possibly said that. It wasn’t right, taking advantage of the girl whom she loved with all her heart, not when she was in such a state. Their third year of high school was the time when she had begun to feel attracted to this wonderful friend and leader. Feeling ashamed of these feelings, she started to avoid the ginger whenever she could after graduating. Meetups, gatherings- she wanted nothing to do Honoka. Her love would only get in the way of her future, so she put all her focus to studying. 

Angry with herself for feeling this way, Umi had always unconsciously vented all her frustration towards the person she loved the most. Every phone call, every meeting was a disaster. It always, always ended up in arguments, every single time. She could’ve conversed normally with her, but no. She had to cause squabbles about the most trivial things.

“It’s because it’s my fault this happened to you.” Well, it was part of the truth in the end. She truly felt indebted to Honoka, and wanted to make it up to her for her mistakes. “So I have to stay by your side.”

Bewildered, Honoka slowly removed herself from Umi’s embrace. “Indebted? None of this is your fault,” she said, concerned. 

“The robber wouldn’t have dared to enter the house if the gathering was held. Just because of me, you cancelled the plans, and that led to everything…”

“Oh. So what you’re doing right now- It’s out of self-guilt?”

Umi was taken aback by the sudden reprimand. “I-I guess..?”

“I see, I’m a burden to you after all. Since young, you’ve always been taking care of me. I should be the one indebted to you. Yet, I’m still counting on you even now.” Honoka bit her trembling lip. If Umi was carrying out her deeds out of guilt, it wasn’t healthy. 

_I’m sure Umi is feeling terrible everyday too, just by spending time with me…_

_She’s helping me not because she wants to, but because she has to_. 

_She doesn’t have a choice, she doesn’t have a choice, she doesn’t have a choice…_

Those disturbing thoughts kept repeating themselves in her mind. 

“It’d be best if I left, right? Then you wouldn’t have to feel guilty anymore.” The ginger said softly, saddened. 

A hand crept up to her face, cupping it. Startled, Honoka looked up. 

“You idiot… Why would you ever think like that…”

Umi’s face was too near to Honoka. Unknowingly, the two closed their distance, with both acting out of impulse. Just as their lips touch, Umi tried to draw back, but she noticed Honoka clutching her back tightly, not letting go. She frantically tried to move away but to no avail. After much squirming around, she finally complied to the ginger’s actions.

Their first kiss was fleetingly brief. Both girls backed away hurriedly, not realizing what they had just done. Umi moved her fingers to her mouth, trying to remember the taste of her loved one’s lips. Honoka, on the other hand, had her face flush with embarrassment. Why did she do that? Honoka herself had no clue.

Awkwardness filled the atmosphere. “Um, it’s getting kind of late, want to call it a day?” Umi stood up, holding her palm out to Honoka.

The former leader of Muse accepted her hand. “Y-yes, let’s.”


End file.
